Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hey! No talking to the driver.....

I have come to discover that without denial I wouldn't have the time to do everything everyone wants me to do.   I have been so busy the last two days fulfilling the commitments I made bctt (read before cancer this time) I haven't even had time to think about myself.  Not that I am complaining, but I think I may have figured out a really good reason to stay exactly where I am.   If I moved to another emotion it might interfere with everyone else's life....not to mention my own!

In some ways I think I have started right back where I was the first time.   Although I must admit there have been a few minutes where the 'annoying' feeling has edged its way into my thoughts.   Sort of a 'oh crap, I don't have time for this".   I know that I have to do something about it soon.   I think people are worrying that I am not really dealing with it.   Oh I am dealing with alright, just maybe not the way everyone else thinks I should.   Very interesting how everyone knows exactly what I should do, and I know that it is because they care.   But I will look after myself.  One thing that I have figured out after all these years is that I  probably won't die this week, unless of course I get hit by a bus.   Wouldn't it suck if that's how I died, especially if it was the same one I'm driving!!!!  Talk about bad luck.   I remember one time shortly after the original diagnoses I was walking downtown at night in a not so nice area of town.  I called a friend and we were chatting and she asked where I was.  When I told her she said "are you crazy what if someone mugs you" and my retort was "God be with them...because right about now I could use a good excuse to punch someone".    Just think, I have that anger to look forward to as soon as I have moved out of denial and into the other stages.   So as we drive down denial alley, I have been picking up many people along the way...some have heeded my request to just sit quietly but there are a few who insist on whispering in my ear....don't you know that you aren't suppose to talk to the driver?????


tamara said...

I love that you changed your profile appropos!

AMB said...

Didn't even notice the profile picture until tamara pointed it out. Okay, if that's the look you're going for, not so sure I want to stay on your bus, especially if you're thinking of hitting people!!! Though it might be better to stay on the bus, sit in the back sit and mmob. Knowing how much you like the "shoulds" in life, I'd love to be a fly on the wall when people are offering theirs to you. That oughta be good for a laugh or two. Keep on truckin' girl. Do you consider our comments "whispers in your ear", mere annoyances or an opportunity for a chuckle? The more I write, the more scared I get of the responses yet to come!!