Friday, May 29, 2015

Just take a cab.....

I just realized that is has been almost a month since I last wrote anything.  Normally, that would tell me that I have probably been too busy to bother but I don't think there is a normal anymore.  I guess I have just been trying to find a new equilibrium in my life.   It's a slow process but I do have faith it will come!

What I have learnt lately is how many older people must feel as their body deteriorates yet their mind remains sharp.   I often think of my Mom.   After my Dad died she was often unable to get out and about as much especially after she moved to Halifax.   We, meaning her children, would say " just take a cab or ask someone ". Making the solution sound so simple.    It was the lack of independence that was the problem I realize now, not the lack of solutions !

I have many people I can call.   My daughter has performed Yeoman service of late.  I am not house bound for lack of solutions but rather because now I am dependent on others goodwill, schedules, and  various other things.   The day of spontaneous decisions on running to the store, visiting someone, going to the dog park are over.     Even making plans to go to the trailer must be done days in advance in order that rides are organized .   It is not that I have no one to help..... It is the fact that I constantly need that help to live an active life.   Which brings me back to my Mom.    I acutely know how she felt.   Sometimes it is easier to just stay home than admit how dependent you are.    Then there is the feeling of not wanting to be a " bother".    It is not that I think that is how people think.   It is just how I feel sometimes .    Wish Mom was here so I could apologize for all those times I just dismissed her loneliness as her own making.    I realize now exactly how she felt !

So I have learnt an important lesson and hope I can share it.   People do not want to sit home or avoid going places.   It's just sometimes it takes too much energy to arrange, seems like a bother to others, or intensifies the reality of the loss of independence.    No one has to solve these problems all the time .   Sometimes all that is needed is to acknowledge the feelings and to let them know they are loved and important enough to be helped .

Mom, to you I wish I had really understood ..... I do now as I am living it !