Pages

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Cancer is knocking AGAIN!

Ok so here goes.   This is a totally new concept for me but I am really looking for new positive experiences and hopefully this will be one.

As the title suggests cancer has come knocking at my door AGAIN!  I took the title from Melissa Etheridge's song "I run for life".   She is so good at putting into words the feelings you have when that dreaded beast comes ...this beast has been laying docile for me for four years and now I find it hovering very close to the door.   It sucks....who ever says cancer is a blessing is full of sh..!   Yes there have been many blessings that I have received over the years because I have cancer.   First that doesn't make cancer the blessing.   I have met lots of people I would not have met had I not been overtaken by diseased cells that didn't have the sense to die.   But, and don't any of you take this personally, I could have lived my whole life quite well without knowing any one of you!....Sorry but you or cancer.....You lose!

So now I have to go and look up all my old skills....denial, anger, bargaining, depression and bring them out one more time so that I can hopefully and at some point soon arrive at the wonderful place Acceptance.  Don't you just love how all the things you read are so succinct at how its done.   One, two three and then you are on your way to living a wonderful life of acceptance....NOT.   I put those away four years ago but I have been more than aware they would possibly be needed again.  So I have dusted them off and am working on the first right now.   Denial....I am not very good at this one....I like to drive the denial bus and anyone who wants to hitch a ride.....go sit and be quiet.    It works you know for awhile and right now that's where I am.   I am pretending this past week didn't happen and I am going about my business and all the things I promised I'd do as usual.   I mean one thing I have learnt over the past 10  years is I probably won't die tomorrow so I better keep up appearances.   So anyone who wants to join me on my journey....the denial bus is leaving and we will begin our ride........here we go!

6 comments:

KMS said...

I just figured out how to do this! Doesn't seem fair that everytime it starts again you have to go right back to the beginning. You should be able to start where you left off the last time..at acceptance. But maybe acceptance gets harder everytime...

Anonymous said...

I'm very good about not talking to the driver but should the driver want to talk to me - you know where I am.

Anonymous said...

I'm new at this so "anonymous" was a mistake will try again.

AMB said...

Ah, it is good to "hear" the genuine woman in-between the written lines! Anonymous took my line. When we board the bus, we're supposed to play nice and listen to what the driver tells us. We'll even share our recess with the driver. And yes, if the driver wants to talk, we're all ears.

Pat said...

I will try to be quiet, but you know that I do tend to break out in song. Any requests? I'm at the back of the bus - just holler!
p.s. I only sing happy songs...

Kath@I_love_my_zoo! said...

I LOVE bus rides, can't sing worth a damn, but know all the Girl Guide hiking cheers by heart! You know you are my idol, and I want to be just like you when I grow up! Just do your part master, and I will continue to be the good student and follow along. Because you will never ride this bus alone! So what is after denial, cuz damn I've done that really good this year teach!! xo