Well made it through Christmas and I have to admit although I was not looking forward to it....it turned out quite nice. It was quiet, but joyful and that is what is important. I was healthy. I had my daughter here, my friends close by and even got some really super gifts. Have absolutely nothing to complain about but I have to admit....not calling Mom on Christmas Day was different. I did speak with her (and Dad) but was able to do so without the use of technology......heart to heart!
So, now I sit and await the New Year....only hours away. Assuming I will make it unless there is some terrible traumatic event before midnight. 2013, a year that I thought in many ways would have come and gone without me. Just proves that one never knows how much time we have on this earth, so we better not waste it worrying that we might die. I think a lot of people spend their lives like that, even healthy people. Afraid to do this or that because something might happen. I know the feeling, I am human and worry too, but I decided many years ago to turn that thinking around. Instead of worrying about what might happen, I say what if it doesn't happen.
I find that we always seem to focus on the actual things that have happened and not so much on the things that could've but didn't. How many times in the past week or so, did an accident not happened. Phew, that was close!.... How many times in the recent past did you almost fall but didn't....Phew!
How many times do we know of someone who was really sick and should have died but didn't.....for me I know one especially close individual in my life.....ME. I think it is time that we make a decision when we find ourselves worrying about all the bad things that might happen if we do something, we instead think of all the good things that might happen when we do it. Or, what about the whole myriad of things that could happen if we chose NOT to do something.
Lately I have been reminded of the anxiety that I felt shortly after diagnoses. I was anxious about everything. I was scared of everything. I was so terrified of dying that I just wanted to sit on my couch and watch life go by.....it was much too dangerous to actually go out and live it because.....OMG I might die. I am not laughing when I say this....many people suffered from anxiety and it keeps them from actually living. It took me a long time to admit that this was happening and to seek help after I had cancer. When I finally did, I found out that over 40% of cancer patients suffer severe anxiety attacks and panic attacks after diagnoses. No one told me this before hand.....might have helped but then again denial runs deep within my veins so it might not have either.
Moral of the story, if you are anxious about life, seek help. Their are drugs, psychologists, GP's, and even other counsellors that can help you though it. Recently, I found myself going down that same path but today I know that I don't have to. I have my own coping mechanisms, and so I put them in place and work at moving out of myself and living life. Today, I put my hiking boots on and went for a nice long walk....ended up having to buy new boots b/c 10 minutes out I had a blister. It was a great excuse to turn around and go back inside, but I knew that wasn't the answer. I went and bought new boots and continued my trek. Hopefully, I will keep this up and walking will again be a big part of my life. I love to walk, but I haven't been doing it........
Life isn't easy, it isn't even simple sometimes but it is important enough to put all our energies into living it for whatever time we have......so this year, 2013, I will continue to live my life even though 11 years ago I thought I didn't have one to live.....who would have guessed???? Glad I didn't sit around doing nothing these past eleven years.....boy that would have made for a very long and boring life. So here's to 2013, to whatever it brings, as long as I am on this side of the sun, I will live, live, live.....God bless to everyone and may the blessings of the New Year be more than you ever imagined!