Saturday, January 8, 2011


I am well, my future is not decided but then again who's really is, but I am very happy with how things went with my appointment and will continue to drive the bus although we may be moving away from Denial Ave and onto Anger Blvd.  I will keep you of right now I am still figuring things out......

Life is full of irony though.    In the morning I was the main character in my life, in the afternoon I was a supporting character in my life, and by evening I was simply a spectator.   It is very interesting how themes may run through your day that give you a much bigger and often better picture of your own life both good and bad.  I had my appointment at the Clinic in the morning, and as I said I was the main attraction.  The news was about me, the focus was on me, and the outcomes or the probabilities of what was to happen were about me.  I found it difficult at times but overall I thought it went well and had a positive feeling how things would be.   Then later in the day, I returned to the Clinic but this time simply as a support and a friend.  It was at this point the reality of the medical world was revealed to me.    The people within the medical community are the best anyone could ask for, but they too are limited by the facilities available to them to perform the duties they want to.  It became very apparent that things are not great within the hospital situation today.  Over the last nine years they have narrowed their resources to such a state that people are being placed in any spare spot.  It may takes hours to find a bed and then one is not even guaranteed that you will be placed in the best area for your particular disease.   But, then again, to be in a surgical ward when you have cancer is certainly better than sleeping on a gurney in the hallway. Some people are doing just that!  But the worst is that at a time when you are vulnerable and you are barely hanging on to your dignity they are now combining men and women in the same room.  I left that evening praying that by some miracle  I would not become sick (in my situation not a very realistic prayer).  I was really quite upset and  not nearly as up as I had been in the morning.   You often just worry about the physical trials that you must endure, and then to realize that you may have to worry about the incidentals as well can be very overwhelming.  Incidentals being such minor things as hospital beds, and nursing staff!!!!!!

I arrived home and made myself some tea and just sat and thought about all that I had been through that day.  I felt exhausted, I was upset b/c of the troubles my friends were having, and I was scared to death that I would have to go through hell with the hospital system in order to have my chemo.  How many times was it going to get cancelled b/c of a lack of beds was my worst fear!  As I said, there was a third part to my day, the spectator part.  I turned the news on to hear that the Governor of Arizona had changed some regulations regarding what was determined to be covered by medicare  due to financial resources. It seemed that she didn't think transplants should be covered and therefore 96 people in the state of Arizona would no longer be eligible to be covered for their transplant Out of a billion dollar budget the amount of 1.2 million just couldn't be found..   That meant at this point 96 people were going to DIE. According to the news, one man who was to receive a liver transplant on the day things had changed (the liver was given to another who had the dollars to cover the cost) died.  He was the father of two children.  OMG, economics was now determining who lived and who died.   I know this isn't new in the US but on this day at this time I was being made aware of such a horrible reality.   As I watched this, I realized that no matter how bad it may appear, our medical system trumps theirs anytime. As a Canadian,  I would receive care, maybe not in the style I have had in the past, but I would receive care.   I might have to wait for a bed, but I will get one.....things didn't seem quite so bleak in my world anymore.   So, although we may have problems lets all keep a perspective on things....really we are very fortunate in deed!!!!!

So, Thursday was a very busy, tiring day but it was also a very eye opening and humbling experience as well.   May we all remember, that sometimes no matter what role we are playing there is definitely someone who is  probably more than willing to trade places with us.    May God be with all those people in Arizona and please may the Governor have a change of heart!!!!!!!   Money can never be a determining factor where life is the commercial says     'it's priceless'


tamara said...


Pat said...

When I was young it was always "why me?". Now that I have matured and experienced life it is "well I'm lucky, it could be worse".