Often when we are in our own environment and things seem to be predictable we think we are dealing well with life. It is when we make changes, find ourselves outside of our comfort zones, and even go back to places that existed long before our illness that we actually get a window into how we are really dealing with life.
I have been visiting family for the past few days, and I find myself very stressed. I seem to be very impatient and angry. I am also tired all the time. Initially, I thought it was because I wasn't getting enough coffee. People on the coast here drink coffee, but not to the extent that Upper Canadians do. The East Coast is a tea drinking society and so there are always cups of tea being offered, but rarely coffee, and even then not necessarily a good cuppa. Anyways, that is what I initially attributed my sluggishness too. Alas, I have had lots of coffee and still feel that unsettled feeling. I realize that maybe I am not has hail and healthy as I think. My body seems to be very tired, and I think the change of scenery and pace is what is making it more obvious.
It is interesting that as long as things stay 'the same' we can convince ourselves that we are fine. Once we are called to be somewhere else on a very different schedule we realize we aren't quite as fit. So, I have decided to be very good to myself, take lots of naps and to just try really hard not to overdo it. Not a very easy thing for me, I tend to go go go.....want to show everyone how healthy I am.
I will pray for more patience. I remember clearly that one of the very obvious symptoms of my illness presented itself as impatience and frustration. I was not the most pleasant person to be around a few weeks before I was finally diagnosed.....I thought maybe I was having a breakdown!!!!!!....and in some ways it was but it was a physical one not an emotional one. My body seems to react in that way when all is not well....maybe it is because my mind refuses to acknowledge that I am not at my best, and tries to force my body to continue at the same pace. Our bodies are very interesting machines, and when pushed to far will find a way to slow you down. So, I am sitting here on the East Coast, (freezing) but with very little that I have to do so I will try and just go with the flow. Maybe that is it too, my routine has been changed and I am not the best with change!!!!
I have learnt one thing over the past 10 years and that is to listen to my body, it always tells the truth. So, I will work with it and not against it.....and try really hard not to be miserable with those around me. Families are funny, I think in many ways we become very much ourselves (warts and all ) when we are with them.....cause we know they will love us no matter what.