Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Exhaustion....the 'new' normal

I realize that I am really not the same person I was almost eleven years ago.   In many ways I have grown in positive ways, especially emotionally and spiritually.  In other ways I have lost much of the 'go get em' energy that I had all my life.   I was one of those people who never did anything slowly...everything was at full speed!   I can remember my mother commenting when I was young "I've never seen anyone who can get ready to go somewhere in such short time"....I was only about 8 at the time so it did slow down a bit when 'hair and makeup' entered the picture.....but again as usual I digress.

The point I am making is that I now need at least 24hours to recoup after anything that is different in my life.   I spent the entire day yesterday sitting in my 'knitting' chair catching up on Coronation Street episodes and knitting (2 socks)!!!!!   The reason being I was totally exhausted.   I had been the host to a lovely foreign student for two weeks which I completely enjoyed.    The thing is I had to be on the whole time.   I had thought that I really was doing pretty good but now I realize that my energy levels are anything but good.    I had virtually no energy reserve was as if I had run a marathon or maybe even an Iron Man.    I was never like that before.    Even as recently as two years ago I know my energy levels were better.   Part of it I am sure is age, I mean I am no spring chicken, but I am not senior home material either.    It is a bit discouraging when you realize that for every big thing you do you are going to have to spend a couple of days recouping.....I am not completely accepting of this reality.

So, today, again I would like to just sit and veg but the option is really not there.  I have things to do and places to go but maybe I will sit and knit just for a short while first.   There is certainly something to be said for 'slowing' down in life, but I would rather it be my choice not a necessity.    I still feel like I was hit by a Mac truck, every fibre of my body is screaming 'rest, rest, rest'.....this cancer sucks big time even when it doesn't knock you totally down.....I seem to be more reminded of my situation at moments like this than any other.

I also realize I must be tired because my last two posts have been 'whines' ( the kind that doesn't really make you feel better and w/o cheese!) which is not my usual positive/happy self....OMG I am truly human too...what a revelation....I must go and think on that new concept......

1 comment:

Marilou said...

I have days when I feel the same way and I haven't had to deal with cancer. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are still one of the most positive people I know.