I have finally figured out that no matter how good things are, there will always be 'something' going on that we wish wasn't. It has been an interesting couple of weeks and I really shouldn't be complaining but of course I will. Why else would I want to write a blog if not to either be extremely wise about life or to complain about both minor and major events in life.
In some ways I must smile here. To be able to write about life is a blessing in itself. As I have said many times before this disease is not nor shall it ever be in my life a blessing. There are however events and things that take place because of it, simply either indirectly or directly, but the cancer itself never ever a blessing. Being alive and healthy enough to complain is one though.
Recently, I have become this person who just wants to experience life no matter what. As earlier mentioned I took a very spontaneous trip to the South and in many ways believe that may have been one of the most fun things I have ever done. Never in a million years b/f my diagnoses would that have happened....I would have had to think about it, worry about the planning, and most probably decided that it was just too much to do in too little time. Not any more....life bring it on. Well again I am doing similar things. I have recently taken in a house quest for a couple of weeks, a young visiting medical student, male. I have had women before but never a male and to be totally honest thought that I would never be comfortable enough to do so. One reason being my daughter. Now that she isn't here, I think that may have played a small part in it, but the reality is that there was anxiety and worry, but I threw caution to the wind and just said yes. It has of course been a real blessing. Not only in the fact that I have met a really nice young man from India who is doing an elective in medicine as part of his international medical degree, but also the food he has made is awesome. So my mind and my waistline have expanded. I have learnt so much about his country, his culture, and his food I will never be able to look at the world quite the same again.
One thing he has made me realize is how blessed I am to live in a country such as Canada. From the physical landscape, to the standard of living, to the medical care, and just the relative safety which we are blessed to have compared to other places in this world. I think each of us should get down on bended knee and kiss the ground for the amazing privilege of being born in this country. Anyways, as usual I have gone off on a tangent.
So, what can I possibly have to complain about?????.....well first I had this awful cold I couldn't shake for about four weeks....then finally it left and my stomach started to act up. I mean act up!!!! I didn't know what was going on and of course my mind went to many many places thinking it could be something really bad. The pain was awful, I couldn't seem to eat anything, and if I did I was terrified I would be really sorry. Well, I think it was caused by all that cold medicine I was taking trying to ward of my cold. Stopped all meds about 10 days ago and am finally starting to feel normal.....and then what......I think I have an eye infection (or maybe just a stye???) but am again worried. You see one thing I know about cancer is that sometimes it effects you in such away that you seem to get a whole bunch of little ailments, or infections, b/c your body can't keep up anymore. So I will worry again, till this goes away!!!!!! I can't even remember what it was like to get a little pain and just ignore it or have confidence it will eventually pass.....I remember distinctly that was what I thought the few days before my diagnosis....no one was more surprised than me!!!!!
So, say a few prayers that this passes and that I have nothing to worry about at least till the middle of May....am off on another excursion soon and don't want to be sick or in pain during that time......