So, I have reached my limit....there was a book that was written by Gilda Radner the comedian called "Its Always Something" and right now that is exactly how I feel. Yesterday, I had another ct scan...(I figure at this rate I should be 'glow in the dark' before long) and so emotionally that took a toll on me. It is hard to go through these tests without having to relive at some level all the other times related to cancer.
Needless to say, I was exhausted and did nothing much else for the rest of the day. Today, I woke up and went to a wonderful breakfast being held to raise money for VAW and it was awesome. The speaker was great, saw people I hadn't seen for ages, and ate lots. Then home and feeling energized decided to get the house in order for the up coming weekend......old friends coming for a visit. BUT, my little dog, Bilbo
wasn't feeling well and I knew that meant she had to see the vet....$$$$$$$$ is what that means. Well, little did I know how much $$$$$$$$ that would mean. Yes she is sick and guess what, she needs surgery!!!!!!!!! OMG not now...I have no more excess cash, energy, emotional capability ....I am running on empty...and now this. I am awaiting a date for my own surgery and now she needs it too....like sympathetic illness or what.
My first thought is, take me out into a field and shoot me....but then I don't really want to die I just want all my problems to disappear....I know this too shall pass but in the meantime, I think I will go bury my head in the pillow and just sleep, sleep, sleep. I wish sometimes that I could have one whole week with absolutely 'nothing', no bad news, no upsets, no tests, no doctor appts, no nothing. Except of course, I want my friends, my knitting, my daughter, my pets (even the sick ones), my life. I guess I really am o.k.....I do want my life and so I guess that means that I just need to do one day at a time and hope for the best. But really, how much can a person take before they explode.....