I haven't written in a long while. It is the waiting period and it seems that I always get stuck and don't know how to feel or what to say. I feel like I am in a 'limbo' state not really knowing what is going on but knowing that at some point I will get 'told' how I am doing. It sounds crazy but for anyone who has a chronic disease I think it is very understandable. Sometimes, you just don't know how to be. You don't trust your body to always tell you what is going on because it has proven in the past to have betrayed you. I also just realized that I am speaking in the second person as if I am trying to keep an arms length from things.
I have a lot going on and there have been some really good moments in the past couple of weeks. I went to a cancer fundraiser last weekend and it was really good. It was a 'play' called the Rabbit Hole Monologues. It was written by a woman who had breast cancer and it was about the various parts of her journey from diagnosis to now. It was hilarious. I love when I can look at this disease and see the comedy of errors that surround me while I journey through it. Often it is the characters that you meet along the way that give you the laughs. Often, those who I would assume would be the most understanding and perhaps comfortable with it, and yet they make the best mistakes. I kept the program and thought I must sit and think of my journey in a similar way....different little one act plays of situtations that have arisen over the past almost eleven years. I may just write my own monologues.
I really enjoyed the night. I did meet someone who couldn't imagine how you could find humour in such a serious subject......I am hoping that he enjoyed the evening and maybe saw that life can be funny even at the most serious of times.
I think I have had my best laughs when the times have called for crying. Laughter is only the other side of the coin from crying. Both offer a release of energy that can only be positive for the physical as well as emotional well being of the person. Unfortunately, in our society we have so many rules for when it is appropriate to laugh and to cry that most of us are bound up into conformity. I love my Irish roots that have allowed me my dark humour often to the shock of some bystanders. I get no better pleasure out of taking a serious, often taboo subject, and telling a hilarious story around it. Most people laugh in the end but I have had some who don't get the humour. I must say that I feel sorry for anyone who can't laugh at life, because I don't know how you can live for long if you can't laugh at the things that you must go through in this state of being.
Well, I will continue to wait but now I have a job to do. I must sit and write my own version of monologues if for no other reason but to pass the time and keep my spirits up..........oh! I remember the time when I had my head shaved by a nurse................