Saturday, May 14, 2011

"To tell or not to tell"......????

My trip is almost over and I am very anxious to get back home.  I have had a very nice and busy time seeing old friends and making some new ones.   The weather didn't really cooperate but in the end it was still good having fun with family and friends,  even had a chance to get to know my grown nephews more and am very excited about that!!!!!   I still have one dilema to figure out though.

I am still unsure of what to do about speaking with my elderly mother about my cancer.   There is a very strong part of me that is saying 'keep quiet' it will serve no purpose, but there is another side that says 'if it was my daughter' I would want to know.   Since I have a daughter that rings pretty close to home!   I know she can do nothing being so far away, but still she is my mother.   I feel that she has had the benefit of being around me these past few weeks and seeing that I am doing pretty well.  That would hopefully alleviate some of her worries.  I just don't know.  I hate when these decisions have to be made by me.   In the beginning I didn't have to tell the time I was aware of what was going on everyone else already knew.   So what is the protocol for multiple cancer diagnoses?...maybe that is something I should think about.  It may actually be a good subject for a book....what you (the cancer patient) should do when dealing more than once with this intruder in your life!!!!   I remember thinking the second time if I should send little 'notes' out to all my friends informing them that I was again going to have surgery and chemo so they should feel free to fill my fridge with food again, decided it might be a bit tacky though.  The first time round every time you opened the fridge an entire meal jumped out onto the table.   The second time, the fridge was not quite as generous.  I wonder if maybe I should send 'notes' out this time saying, as you missed the second diagnoses just wanted you in on the third......LOL...especially to those friends whose meals I really liked!

I digress as to tell or not to tell.   I am not really looking for anyone to tell me what to do as anyone who knows me knows I can't stand being told what to do.
I just need to vent and see how I feel once I have written it.  I guess I have to admit that one of the reasons I want to tell her is that I want my Mom to know.  The little girl in me still wants my mom when I am sick.   I will continue to pray on it and see if the opportunity presents itself......

No comments: