So the sun is shining today....yeah. It is so funny its like being a kid in a candy shop .....I go outside and sit, then come inside for some reason, then rush back outside just in case the sun goes away. Even the animals are thrilled by the bright day, and think its great that we are all out on the deck!.....
I have been thinking that the weather is a really good barometer for our feelings as humans. The past few days have been so dreary and foggy and everyone seems to have been barely able to move fast enough...as if carrying some huge burden on their shoulders....then the sun comes out and people are walking around with huge smiles and saying hello (although on the East Coast that is the norm) and the energy is just so up in the universe. I saw this as a analogy for life. I have watched different people deal with this illness in different ways. Some walk around like their is this huge fog surrounding them and they can't seem to move out of it. Others, find some amount of sun even amist the fog and clouds. The difference in the energy is so drastic. I have people say to me 'you are so positive' and I in someways can't imagine being any other way. I don't always feel positive, and I am certainly not positive in a pollyanna kind of way...I realize that this is serious and that perhaps it will not go the way I want. The positive is the kind that is hopeful and in the present moment. Right now at this moment I feel fine and so I will live in this moment with hope that the next one will be good too. I have refused to live in the fog walking around with a pall on my shoulders, instead I keep running to the ray of sunshine knowing that even if it is fleeting it will feel so much better. Sounds sort of corny I know but that is how I have been feeling about things today. I was so overjoyed to see the sun I could hardly get outside fast enough. Even if it only lasts a couple of hours I will have sucked up all the heat, light and energy to last through another rainy day.
It is funny, this reminds me of a conversation I had shortly after my treatments were over the very first time (as if there is another kind of first time???). Someone said to me, it seems like forever ago that you were diagnosed, and you are looking so good, I think it must be your positive attitude. First, it didn't seem that long ago to me (like yesterday really) but I refrained from pointing that out. The second thing is I don't know whether a positive attitude really does contribute to a longer life with cancer, but I do know that if nothing else it appears longer because I enjoy every day I have so whatever time I have I will have lived it......in some ways that will make it longer either way.
On that note, the sun is still out, so I need to go out and suck up the positive energy......you know the saying 'wait 15 minutes on the East Coast and the weather changes".......I am taking advantage of every minute!