Monday, December 13, 2010

Blinders please........

Well last night the 'denial' bus had a crash...I have yet to decide whether or not it was totalled or just a fender bender.   Time will tell!

I was having a pretty good day, although I knew something was percolating down deep.  I had been feeling a little grumpy the past couple of days and I was impatient and annoyed.   Not by anything in particular mind you, but by life in general.  That is usually a good sign for me that something is changing and it won't take much to set me off.   Although, I must say that compared to my youth, my bad days today are better than most of my good days then.   Experience and maturity are very good trainers.....

I digress.   Anyways, I am sitting in front of the t.v. watching "The Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood" (a really good movie by the way with Sandra Bullock and Ellen Bernstein) when I notice a picture on the wall of my daughter and I taken about 19 years ago.   She is just a little tyke and I look pretty young.  Well the tears start to flow and the next thing I know I am sobbing away.    Who ever knows what will trigger your emotions?   So I am sitting there crying, and trying to watch the show, and my whole life is going through my mind.   What the heck happened to all those years?   It seems that it was just a short time ago that I was raising my daughter and really enjoying every minute and now she is grown and pretty much on her own and here I am old, tired and sobbing in front of the t.v.    Oh my I feel like a really bad actor in a really bad play.   Reality can be stranger than fiction.

So, I guess the damn is starting to break.   I am not surprised considering that last week was the anniversary of my father's death, the winter is here with a vengeance, and I haven't been able to knit anything for myself in weeks.   I must be going through some form of knitting withdrawal, that's it.  Whew, what a revelation, I was thinking maybe it was something more serious.   Glad I figured that out.....I guess it was a fender bender....all I have to do is grab a set of needles, find a project I love and actually is for me, and then drive off into a snow bank and park and I'm not still in denial.......NOT AT ALL!

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