Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Difficult decision......good decisions....

So here is the follow up to yesterday's blog.   I prayed on the situation very hard last night and decided that I would sleep on it and make a final decision today.    When I got up I felt that I really needed to go and visit.   It was not just because I felt obligated to, because I didn't, I really wanted to.   I made the decision it was more important to visit and share some laughs for  perhaps one last time than to worry about how I would feel afterwards.    I knew in my heart that if I didn't go I would regret it forever.  

So, I went and in the end was really glad I did.   I had a wonderful visit and we had lots of laughs.   It was worth every minute and in the end she looked better than I had imagined.   As I was leaving I realized that the memory of her today will be a far better one than what I would have had, had I chosen to forgo the visit.   Sometimes, the imagination takes us places that reality doesn't.   I cannot express how happy I am that I took a risk.  

If I can look half as good, be almost as positive and upbeat as her when I am facing the end I will be very pleased.   I also realized that she is an amazing woman.  I have known her since I was a teenager and I don't think I really appreciated her strength of heart.   I will be forever grateful that I came to know her so much more in this short visit than I have over the past thirty some years.   To have missed this and not had the opportunity to see her in this light would have been a sad thing.   I guess the moral of this story is that sometimes we are called to do difficult things in life, but sometimes we are often surprised at how powerful these experiences can be.

Thank you God for giving me the strength and the wisdom to take a risk today and visit someone who I know appreciated the visit and who instead of making me feel scared actually gave me a sense of peace and hope for whatever comes my way from this disease.   Life is very interesting, but sometimes the experiences that are closer to death can be the most educating........

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