Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Difficult Days.......

Well this is not going to be a good post.  I usually try hard to find some positive little spin on things, and I am often successful.   Today, I don't seem to have that ability.   Maybe not sleeping very well last night has something to do with it.   

Lately, I haven't been feeling my best and have been to the doctor to see what we can do.   I have had this nausea for weeks and it is driving me crazy.   It wakes me up in the night and lasts all day.   Sort of like morning sickness with out the pregnancy!!!!!   So last week went to the GP and she prescribed something.   Saturday, I realized that I wasn't having my nausea and was thrilled.   Well it's BACK!

Woke up during the night with it and again this morning.  Drugs aren't working.   I feel like crap.   I know that the tumour is growing and that eventually I will have to deal with it...but I never felt sick before.   I had a CT scan two weeks ago for my belly and will find out the results next week....although my GP did look it up and said that the tumour is 6.1 cm x 4 cm now (compared to 3 cm a year ago)...but there is nothing else new.   So it really is positive news.    She did send me for a CT scan on my head though because with the nausea I have been experiencing headaches and that isn't a good thing.  The nausea centre is in the brain so she wants to make sure nothing is going on there.   Metastasis to the brain is extremely rare in my cancer (mind you rare seems to be my middle name) and I don't think there is anything wrong in that way.      I think the headaches are due to the fact that I don't sleep well when feeling sick and so am tired and headachey.   She agreed but said 'better safe than sorry'.

I just want to feel better.  I have absolutely no energy and am almost afraid to take a nap in the afternoon because I wake up and it's night.   Lay down one day at 3 p.m. and woke up at 8 p.m.    A little confused as to whether it was morning or night!!!!   Canada is pretty dark in the early morning :)
So am just trying to get through the day sometimes......Yoga has been helping I must admit.  It is hard to get the energy up to go sometimes.   It's in the evening and its dark, and cold, and sometimes snowy and I have the urge to hunker down and just stay warm and cozy.    BUT, when I go I am so glad because I actually feel better afterwards.   I walk to and from so I get fresh (read very cold) air and it wakes me up and stretches all my  muscles.   The nice part is I usually sleep really well that night too.   Maybe my frustration is that last night I didn't!!!!   Even yoga didn't work. 

Oh well, life sucks sometimes and then we just have to move on.   I am sure there are people in this world that are having a much more difficult day than me.   Maybe I will pray for  them and take the focus off myself.......


Birdie said...

Oh, dear. You don't need to see the silver lining in feeling sick.

Please let us know when you get your results back. Thinking about you and sending love. xo

Anonymous said...

So sorry the nausea is back...gross. Am thinking of you, praying that you get back into a better physical groove.

Shelley J said...

I just want you to feel relief, nausea is the grossest thing known. Praying for you to have awesome days ahead. Sincerely Shelley J