Yesterday was one of those days that I call...mixed blessings. It was very tough, it was reflective, and it was wonderful.
I attended a funeral yesterday of a beautiful woman who was diagnosed last February with cancer. She had an amazing family. Six wonderful children and a husband who adored her......needless to say the funeral was a hard one on many levels. I couldn't help but keep thinking 'this will be me one day'.....hopefully I will have half the adorable grandchildren that she had coming up the aisle. I think in many ways that made me realize what kind of a legacy we actually leave this world. Those children, looking so solemn but also so proud that they are part of this celebration.....wow! My sadness came when I thought that perhaps I won't get to see any of my grandchildren. I know none of us knows how things will unfold, but the doubts creep in and it makes you realize what it is you really want to strive for......as her daughter said, not success, travel, financial freedom, but to just 'be like my Mom'.....what a true tribute to this woman and who she was.
The second part of the funeral that actually hit me between the eyes was something another of her daughters said. I have always hated the analogy of cancer being some kind of a war, all of us battling this war and some surviving and some losing the battle. I am not a violent person and that language jumps out as violent and awful. Well, this young woman put what I have felt for years to words......"some people say my mother lost her battle to cancer, but my faith tells me that she has broken free of cancer, left it behind, and moved to a better place, cancer didn't win at all". I can live with those words because I too believe this to be true. We often pray for healing, but we forget that healing can manifest itself in more ways than 'getting better'. We can also be healed by dying!....it is only in dying that we are risen again to new life......new life healed of all those earthly pains, trials and tribulations. How blessed that this child received such an amazing gift from her mother (and father), the gift of faith......what more can we hope to give our children!
So, as I said in the beginning, my day was a mixed blessing. I was sad to say good-bye but I also realize that I have much to be grateful for and I can still hold my daughter in my 'earthly' arms and for me that is a blessing that is priceless.