Thursday, December 8, 2011

Appointmentl.....should be a four letter word

Ok, its 7:00 am and I am sitting here drinking coffee.   This is an oddity b/c when you are "retired" it isn't often that you get up before the sun.   If you are new to this give it time, you do begin to adjust to the new lifestyle and realize that unlike the rest of the world you can sleep later and stay up later.   It takes a little time to readjust but it does happen.

Anyways, I digress as usual.   I am sitting here waiting to go for a TEST.   Another test.  My life seems to be scheduled around what test or Dr appointment I have this week.  It has been like that for far too long and it only gets more and more frustrating.  One year, in the summer I cancelled all appointments and had a 'medical' holiday.  I refused to have any tests, see any doctors, or even enter a medical facility.  It was a very good emotional and mental revitalization .....I would suggest it is necessary periodically for anyone with a chronic disease.

So, today is an MRI.   I am so angry I am walking around talking to myself.   Between worrying about the tests there are animals to feed and walk and litter boxes to empty.   Life as usual is multi dimensional and always seems to be able to bring you back to the basics.    So off I go to have another test.  I am so sick and tired of living this way there are times when I want to throw my hands in the air and say enough.   Go back to work, make some decent money, sleep when I am not working and forget this hole illness thing altogether.    It would be so much simpler at so many levels.  Christmas always seems to to bring out the anger and frustration in me.  I think in many ways it is at this time of year, that I feel that a part of my life has been stolen.   Each year I wonder if this is the last Christmas and having done that now for 10 years....this being the 11th Christmas it tends to wear on a person.

Well, have to close, my ride will be here in a few minutes.  Thank goodness for friends that will get up early enough to drive me.   I have packed my Ativan as I am claustrophobic too so that doesn't help the situation.   Off I go to be MRI'd what ever that means.....don't even care.

Will post the news when I get it .....but that is next week when I have my other appointment......Appointments who ever thought I would hate that word!

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