Ok, so it is appointment day and I am up early and trying to get myself going. Usually, as I have said before, when you actually get to the doctors all the things that ailed you have disappeared. Well, I am still exhausted so that isn't happening.
What I find interesting is that I am trying to compare how I feel to how I felt six and ten years ago. Not that I could really remember. I have said many times that I wasn't really very sick in the past, and my daughter just rolls her eyes and says "yea o.k. Mom"....which I take to mean that she doesn't agree! She says that I was tired, moody, sleeping lots etc etc and then says ....sort of how you are feeling now!!!...then goes on to tell me how really sick I was when I had chemo. I don't remember being REALLY bad, but she does.....maybe I don't need to remember these things my dear. It's like having a baby, you really don't want to remember the pain or the species might be at risk!!!!!!
Here's to hoping that I can be honest and above board.....I need to have the courage to be honest and figure out what I need done. My worse trait is to deny deny deny, and hope that all will just work itself out. I should know by now that when you have cancer that is not necessarily a good thing. I have a story about that....the last recurrence in 2004/05 I gave the surgeon a surprise during the surgery. He knew that he was going in to take two tumors out, one on the ascending colon and one on the lower bowel...but to his surprise he found another .....in my right hip area. After the surgery he came and asked me "did your hip hurt lately"? I said "yea for the past few months, why?"....he then proceeded to tell me that there was a tumor there and he had to remove some of the muscle and nerves in order to get it all. "Why didn't you tell me that you were having pain in your hip"?, he said. "oh I just thought it was arthritis?.....and he looked at me and said "E. when you have cancer, it is a good thing to tell us if you start having pain somewhere...." needless to say he was not impressed....mind you I did get him back by saying "didn't you take a cat-scan?"....maybe you should be more thorough when reading it?????......we both laughed. He has said this time though he isn't giving me as much free reign as he did the last time....I wonder if that is why???????
Well, I am off.............p.s. taking my own vehicle so there are no passengers....don't need any whispering in my ear today......