Four more weeks and my life with change forever....AGAIN! This time in a positive and wonderful way. I will become a Grandmother....a whole new journey, a brand new chapter and one that I have absolutely no experience or knowledge of. Usually, when that happens in life I would be anxious but this time is so different. I am excited and looking forward to new horizons. No anxiety at all. Two reasons, firstly I don't have to go through labour, and secondly I take anti-anxiety medication.
If nothing else cancer was able to get my anxiety under control. Statistically, they say that 40% of cancer patients experience extreme anxiety at some point after diagnosis....no kidding. I believe that I always had anxiety just didn't know it...and then when I started having bad panic attacks was able to attribute it to my cancer so went seeking help. Now I am calmer than I have ever been in my life.....mellow me, mellow yellow, hmmmmmmm life is good and so are drugs :)
I digress! So last night I had some wonderful women friends over to celebrate my daughter's pregnancy. It was so much fun and so much pregnancy/newborn wisdom in the room. I, being older than them, am the first to become a grandparent......they are all hoping it will be some years before they experience it as most of their children are still teenagers :) I got to know these women mainly because I was not working, had older children, and was therefore free to help them with baby sitting, driving around and other duties that were helpful to the raising of their children. It made me realize how lucky I really am to still be here. I never believed that I would share this moment with these women. I didn't share the raising of my own daughter as she was babysitting age when we met and often was looking after their little ones. Which was also funny because their children were a little stunned that S. was now having a baby of her own.
I have shared a good part of my journey with them and they have been an incredible support. Often I felt that I didn't have much to offer and so they would get me involved in their families and it made me feel much more purposeful, plus I got to watch a whole group of children grow up. So, now I get to let them be part of a big event in my life. As they came into the room last night it was fun to see their eyes light on my daughter and the smiles cross their faces....nothing like a large pregnant woman to make another woman smile. It was like three different age groups had merged together in the light of a new baby.....something we all knew and shared no matter what the age difference.
I sit tonight reliving the celebration, laughing at the funny stories we shared of having babies. The different birth stories, the pain we all endured, the joy we all remember immediately upon seeing our children. I watched as my daughter took it all in, laughed with us and at some points looked like a deer caught in the headlights. The silly antidotes that were shared for getting through the pain after, the nursing, the bottles, the diapers. The new things that are out that we never had....or for that matter needed. The old remedies for colic, sore breasts, and other parts. SO much wisdom in one room!!!!!
I am blessed that I am here to experience another chapter in my life. I didn't even know what I would have missed, but I am so glad I didn't. I feel more alive now that I have in awhile. One things I know that this journey has given me is the knowledge to live each and every moment. I have been doing that now for almost 14 years and I am so grateful. Every event in my life has been a celebration and is imprinted on my brain to relive in the quiet moments like now. Many live so much of their lives in the past or the future that they miss the simple, joyful moments in the here and now. I am so glad that my life has been lived in the present moment and not wasted worrying about what has happened or what might happen. Had I done that I would have spend the past 14 years wondering if I was going to live or die......instead I have been blessed to live every moment.
The next few weeks are going to be so exciting......knitting up a storm and waiting to meet my beautiful grandchild.......what more could a woman ask for !