Life is very interesting. From a number of points. I began this blog in order to put some order into what I see at times a jumble of thoughts and ideas that run around in my head. It was in order to figure out my journey with cancer. What it seems to have become is a journal on how life seems to evolve in spite of this disease. Just because I am dealing with issues does not mean that the world in my sphere of influence stops functioning on another level. I have come to see that by watching and listening to my own experience with other and my voice in these other times I often find the answers that I have been searching for on my own journey.
Point in case! I know that one day I will die. We all will. Maybe from cancer, maybe from an accident but eventually I will not exist as I am in this world. It is a given. What has happened recently, is that I have come to see that there are many ways in which this transistion can take place, but more specifically if it comes from this disease. I can fight to the bitter end, hoping beyond hope for a miracle.....or I can decide at some point that enough is enough and accept the inevitable. I wonder which I will do? I can't say I would do one or the other but in reality I will not know until the question is no longer a question. I would hope that I would make the final decisions for no other reason than to alliviate the pain of having someone else have to make it. I cannot fathom how hard it must be to have to decide at what point another person's life should end...how do you make the call when enough is enough for another. I pray that I have the ability and the strength to make those decisions myself....and I don't mean through a living will...but through my own living words. To be able to give that peace to my family and friends has become my prayer. Ironic, that in a previous blog I recounted how the family and friends of people with serious illness feel helpless and out of control, and yet sometimes the decisions that finally become theirs to make are the ones that they would probably prefer not to have to make. ......If nothing life is just one big irony!!!!!
For some this conversation may seem morbid, but I have come to see both sides recently. I believe that every event in our lives is an opportunity to look at our own life and reflect on how we can enlighten ourselves in making our journey a true potential of the human spirit in this life. Here's hoping I too can find that strenght when it is needed!