Wow hard to believe that it has been over two years since my last post. I think I must have been just over this whole journey. Now it is 2021 and we are in the middle of a pandemic. The past year has reminded me often of my first year with cancer, and the treatment time. I remember back then that when I returned to the outside world, which by the way wasn't this long a time, so many things had changed. There were new businesses open, old businesses closed, new people living around me, old friends had moved. I guess having cancer and the following treatments is like experiencing your own personal pandemic. Who knew that !!!!!!
Not sure whether I will continue to blog but had a strange urge this morning to check things out. The past couple of years have seen good times and bad, although not one of the bad has been a return to cancer. This is the longest period of time I have been cancer free in twenty years. I will have been on this journey for 20 years on June 27th , and this particular part of the journey since January 19th 2014.
In the beginning I likened my cancer diagnoses to my own personal 9/11, which was also 20 years ago albeit not until September. So mine was first as if that really matters. Now I can compare my treatment times to a pandemic. Interesting how the larger life often is just a reflection of the personal life we live. We here in the 1st World don't notice that as often as we are usually an arms distance from real world tragedies and then when they hit be all go crazy. I know in many ways this time has been hard on people, especially for mental health reasons, but doesn't it make you wonder if perhaps our mental health is so precarious because of the lack of real life experiences. I mean, there is a large portion of the world that live an existence that is day to day and for some reason they seem to be much more equipped to handle it. I wonder if the brain, like muscles, needs to be worked in order to deal with a difficult life.
I have had cancer for 20 years, but before that I had a terrible marriage which I survived, I had a spinal cord injury that I was able to come back from despite all the odds, and I was a single mother who worked full time and raised an amazing child. Maybe I have a more resilient brain because of these other traumas in my life. If so then it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
So, to all out there just trying to muddle through whatever life is throwing at you, remember if you can dig deep, keep your head above water, and never lose hope the life ahead of you will be a brighter stronger one than the one you leave behind.
Maybe I will start writing again, seems like I have lots to say :)
7 comments:
your blog is helpful - don't stop!
Going into surgery tomorrow. This has given me hope.
I deleted my previous comments. If they have been seen, I want to give my sincerest apologies for those "rants". They were incredibly hurtful and uncompassionate.... back to people trying to be kind and helpful but just are not at all.
I did, like I said, go right to the beginning of your blog. I've actually stayed up late reading, being in the moments you were describing.
I do stand by my statement of how incredible it has been of you to share your story on pretty much, a day to day basis. I think I understand more the "whys" of the blips in time between posts too.
I do have more to say, and will add later.
Till then, I really hope you have a fantastic Christmas with your loved ones
Hello
Thanks for posting this blog. I realise it's quite old apart from some updates but I still found it and read it.
I'm recently diagnosed with Clear Cell and really struggling with the terror. 4 weeks post op awaiting oncologist appointment. In a weird place between stage IC2 and 2. I have ADHD undiagnosed but runs in the family, and struggle with overthinking, over researching and not asking the right questions. Feeling so very alone despite people being helpful and pushing my boyfriend away as he can't handle my fears and just goes for the blind hope. I live alone and face losing my house. I hope you are still well and enjoying life. Thanks again
Emily
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