Have you ever thought about what your life would have been like if something major had not taken place to direct it the way it has. I do! It is something that I have often thought of , especially since I was diagnosed with cancer. It is sort of a 'what if' but not in a way of mourning that loss, just in a way of thinking what would have been different. Most times I can't really find anything of any great regret as although I would not wish this journey, I have learnt to accept it and what it has brought to my life. What I find most interesting is how other people seem to have thought there life would be different if I hadn't gotten sick. I will relate a funny story about that.
As I have mentioned in previous posts I have a daughter who was quite young when I became sick. At this point she has lived with the cloud of cancer over her mother's head as long she lived without it. Recently, she told me about how she feels she missed out on things as a teenagers because of my illness. I had often thought of this and felt a little sad because of it, but it wasn't exactly in the same line of thinking as she. One of the things that she felt she missed out on was the 'hanging out' with friends. She related to me that many of her friends had hung out at the mall or downtown and that she was never able to do that because of my illness. I looked at her and said "you think that is the reason you were never allowed to hang out on street corners and in malls?" I began to laugh and said "if that makes you feel better about that loss, you keep thinking it, but even if I had been well you wouldn't have 'hung out' aimlessly anywhere!!!!!"
The look on her face was priceless. All these years she had blamed my illness and so was content to believe that her teenage years had been less than her friends because of it. I didn't get any of the blame! I often say that the teenage years with her were much calmer and relaxed than most of my friends, and now I know why. She thought the differences in ability to do things was because of the cancer, not because her mother wouldn't allow it. It is always interesting to see how someone else thinks about a situation. Who would have thought that cancer was my 'out' to the terrible teenage years you hear about.
So, when looking back to see how my life may have turned out without cancer, this is one situation which I can actually say I am glad that I didn't have to go through fighting and screaming about "everyone else can do it" with my teenager. It is always good to reflect, but it is always good to ask others their perspective.......you just might be surprised how they saw a similar situation!!!!