Life outside......

So I have decided to write another post.   I feel like Cher on her farewell tour.....I think I saw her second or third one.....oh well we never know when we will actually say farewell.

So, the week has gotten somewhat better.   Have learnt to take pain meds on a regular basis if just to take the edge off the pain.    I hate meds especially because there are all the other side effects that go with them.  It seems that Tylenol3 is my medication of choice, and I am able to stay awake now that my body is becoming accustomed to it.    How my liver is doing is any one's guess?    Milk Thistle is the med I take to hopefully detoxify my liver.

So I am beginning to feel a bit better.   It is still a very difficult time, and the pain is exhausting.   I realized that through all of this journey I have not really suffered pain from the cancer.    It has most often been post surgery and chemotherapy.   It is very different when you realize that your body is hurting because some mutating cell is taking over a part of you.     It makes me think it is eating into the very fabric of my body and that the pain is my poor body trying its best to fight back.

Today, I had to go for more tests in order to get ready for surgery.   Saturday morning is not the day you want to be having tests done at a hospital.   The staff is very few and far between and lack of communication seems to be the standard.    All the staff were pleasant, but had I not been a bit pushy I would probably still be sitting on some 2nd floor wing waiting for the department to open.....Monday at 6:30 am.

I got a friend to drive so I wouldn't have to walk any great distance, but I ended up walking a marathon in the hospital.   I was sent to one desk, who then sent me upstairs to another reception area, which was closed.   I returned to the first floor to be told "well I don't know, I guess you will have to go back and wait till they open".....the sign on the door said Monday!!!!   I mentioned this and she said "no someone will be there cause you have an appointment"......I then informed her that there is no where to sit up there and I can't stand.   She agreed to let me sit in her area and she would doing some calling.   Well ten minutes later she comes and says...."You have to go to Emergency cause the charge nurse for that department is delayed and won't be in till 10:30 am....it was 7:00 am at this point.   Thank goodness I didn't go back upstairs!!!!   She informed me that she had spoken to Emerg and they would do the CScan.   Off I trudged down hallways, around corners through doors that said Staff Only....to the back of Emerg.    They had no idea what I was talking about....but they figured it out.   My fear was I was going to have to sit and wait in Emergency for the scan....the sign said 5-8 hour wait for non-life threatening issues.....don't thing a pre opt scan is life threatening.   Just a note:   the department was completely empty except for a young couple waiting to be seen.......????????

So had my scan and was on my way at 7:30am.     I was so grumpy mainly because I hadn't had coffee yet but also I was hurting and all that walking wasn't helping.  I figured that if it got any more confusing I was just going to tell them I had decided not to have the scan and leave.   What were they going to do CANCEL MY SURGERY !!!!   I think not......

So the crazy journey continues but there have been some bright lights this week too.   Friends dropping by for visits, to help walk the dog, bringing yummy food to keep me strong for surgery, and even a Reiki treatment that made the world of difference.     As horrible as I have felt all week, and I have felt awful, I still realize that I am a very blessed person.   From my granddaughter's smiling face when she comes in the door, to my daughter's helpfulness and cheerfulness, to friends that take time out of their busy day to call, text or visit I have many good things in my life.  

Life is about looking at the good stuff and just trying to work through the bad.     No matter how you look at it there will always be more good than bad, sometimes you just have to brush away the muck to see it.     Cancer sucks, but life is good.

So this may or may not be my last post prior to surgery.   I am feeling much better than I did on Tuesday and so if the urge grabs me I may write again.     Thanks to all for your support you will never know how much it means just to hear a hi, see a text or get an email......there is life outside these walls :)