Moving to the next stage of grief....depression!

I don't know why the very first post I ever made found its way to the recent posts but maybe there is more going on here than we know about.   It is a new chapter in my journey and maybe it is good to review the initial post and the purpose of this medium for my sanity.  I have moved from driving the denial bus to the depression cab.....smaller, more maneuverable, and much less room for passengers.

This will be difficult for me because I am not very good at exposing my real emotional feelings.  I don't like telling people things that they might decide becomes their job to make me feel better.   I don't want to feel  better!  I want to sulk, feel like crap, sleep too many hours and be just whatever this time brings.  It has been a very long journey and I think in many ways I have gone from denial over the years directly to acceptance.   Well, after 10 years I think my soul has decided it is time to feel depressed, angry and even very very selfish.   I will try really hard to be honest, mainly in order to work through this period and come out the other end a more stable and maybe even wiser person than the one that entered the 'dark night of the soul'.   I have lots of spiritual literature that tells me that this is an amazing time to grow spiritually, emotionally and psychologically.  Whether or not that is true I have no choice but to work my way through it.   I have tried very hard to put this off, and I think I am finally have physical difficulties because of that denial.  There are more than one stage of grief obviously for a very good reason.....

So, all you on the bus, line up and take a number for a ride in the cab.   We aren't going very far for the next while, if we even end up leaving the lane.   I will of course be driving, as always....you might have to wake me periodically so that we don't run off the road.   The only time anyone is allowed to talk is to remind me, or wake me, to go to knitting.   That is the one thing in my life I am not prepared to give up no matter what.    So, here we go........thanks in advance for your patience, your support and your love......

Denial can be a GOOD thing too!

It's been awhile.   I have been between times, between family and friends, between places and people, between home and home.   It has been interesting and exhausting.   I am very glad to be home in my own place with my own stuff and my own bed.   We are definitely creatures of habit and familiarity.  I feel so much better emotionally, physically, and mentally because I know where I am and what I am to do.

So I will sit in my in between time and recover.    I will sleep, and I will eat, I will re-arrange (b/c that is what I do) and I will be grateful for this time to remember how much I love my home.   I think the bus has been parked for a very long time and so we might have to get it tuned up and in gear.  Go for an appointment in June and will need to make some decisions, so for now I will relax and enjoy!  I think I have moved completely into denial again b/c I seem to forget that I have serious decisions to make besides whether to knit or to read.....will remain here for awhile longer.....denial has it purpose and its place and I am more than willing to accept it right now.    Denial allows us to actually live our life for moments at a time as if nothing is really different.....that can be a very good thing............