Wholeness......equals deep love!

Normally I offer my own thoughts and reflections but today I offer this amazing meditation as what I would truly like to achieve in my life. ......wholeness.   For many years I worked at trying to let the inside and outside of myself be the same.    I think in many ways I achieved that, and can honestly say that I do know how I feel and often am able to articulate it.   I have also come to understand that life is to be lived to its fullest, as Christ says "abundantly"!     I have come to a point in my life that I realize the importance of living the messiness and learning the lessons that life offers up....Richard Rohr (Franciscan Monk) offers this understanding of life in his meditation for New Years..   I feel that Richard's words are worth repeating here in order to take them to a deeper level in my being.   I honestly do want to become whole.....not necessarily in a physical way.....and I want to begin the second half of life.....accepting this understanding of the purpose for life and living allows me to know that with or without my disease I can attain the fullness of life. .....it is not dependent on how long I live or how perfect my life....it is attitude I take to life and what I see as the meaning and purpose of it.....to love deeply and to see everything as whole!!!!.

RESOLVE TO SEEK WHOLENESS Unless you let the truth of life teach you on its own terms, unless you develop some concrete practices for recognizing and overcoming your dualistic mind, you will remain in the first half of life forever—as most humanity has up to now. In the first half of life, you cannot work with the imperfect, nor can you accept the magic sense of life, which finally means that you cannot love anything or anyone at any depth. Nothing is going to change in history as long as most people are merely dualistic, either-or thinkers. Such splitting and denying leaves us at the level of mere information. Whole people see and create wholeness wherever they go; split people see and create splits in everything and everybody. We are meant to see in wholes and no longer just in parts. Yet we get to the whole by falling down into the messy parts—so many times, in fact, that we long and thirst for the wholeness and fullness of all things, including ourselves. I promise you this unified field is the only and lasting meaning of up. Adapted from Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves

Dark vs light

I have been receiving some comments lately that I think are worth commenting on myself.  One of the things people have been saying to me is that my posts seem a little dark.   Yes they are a little dark.  As most people know the way I deal with anything really serious in my life is to be funny...I think it is the Irish in me...they have a very dark humour.    I haven't been my best lately and I have been putting down what is really going on in this brain of mine, in a serious way which may take some by surprise...I have always been dark but tried to be funny too.  I find it very cathartic and usually once I have put it into words I actually feel much better emotionally.   I am not a person who likes to wear my true feelings on my sleeve....I have a tendency to put on a happy face and look like I am always feeling good.  Usually, this type of behaviour really does help to make me feel good because I believe very strongly that what you put out into the universe you get back ten fold.   So even if I am not feeling as chipper as I may appear by the end of the day I  have often received so much positive energy that  spirit is almost the same on the inside as it appeared on the outside.

Long before I became ill I had been trying really hard to match my inside with the outside.   I have always been a very upbeat person but there was a time that that was more of a public persona than a personal one.   Over the years, through much reflection and 'therapy', I have come to really like who I am and so the person you see is most probably the person that I am that day.   If I am not feeling great I choose to stay away from others....I have a 'pity' party but I don't invite anyone else mainly b/c I don't want to be cheered up.

Over the past few months I have learned alot about myself and life in general.   I have been given moments of great sadness and great gladness....what I guess is the reality of life in general.  Yesterday, I had a day where I was able to see that life really is a character building event and one must choose how one is to negotiate it.   There are people that I know have gone through some very trying moments (or years) and yet are able to enjoy those times that have been good with gratitude and joy.    I met one such person yesterday.  I hadn't seen him in years and know that he was having a difficult time the last time I did talk to him.  He looked so happy and content that I just had to find out how things really were in his life.   He was able to tell me that at the moment things were good, he was really enjoying himself (he is recently retired) and that he just focuses on this time.   We talked about how some people just don't know what to do with themselves when they retire...but neither he nor I seemed to have that problem.  It was very refreshing to 'chin wag' with someone who lives in the moment and appreciates the good things that are happening rather than focusing on the past.

I have decided that I am very blessed and grateful for my life...although as I have said many times I really could have lived without the drama of Cancer.  It has taught me to appreciate just moments like yesterday and not get to wrapped up in the details.   So, today will be a good day no matter what it brings, although my plans are made and am looking forward to them.    I wish in some ways I could pass this wisdom on to many many people......whatever you must endure today do it with a song in your heart and do it with joy because the alternative to being here really stinks!!!!!!    Happy day everyone...and yes sometimes I am dark.....but that is the balance we need to enjoy the light.