Just rambling......

So we are arriving at the end of October and I am still waiting for a surgery date.   That in some ways is my own fault as I had a very important engagement on October 26th and was adamant that I was not going in until after.   So here I wait.....

The engagement was the Christening of my beautiful granddaughter.    I never believed that I would be around to see her let alone be at her Christening.   I sat there in tears almost the whole service and thanked God for the privilege of being alive and healthy enough to enjoy every moment.  

My life over the past 13 and a half years has been anything but predictable.   Not that any one's life is actually predictable but when dealing with serious illness the probability of not feeling good or something going wrong rises somewhat dramatically.   So to have been feeling well on this particular day was definitely a blessing.    I couldn't have been prouder!    My little angel was so happy and smiley it was wonderful.    The dress she wore was made by my sister from my wedding dress.   Thank goodness she had the foresight to save the dress.   I had thrown it in a pile to go to Goodwill many years ago and she saved it saying "one day I will make a christening gown for your grandchild out of this"......yea yea I thought.  Well true to her word she did.    And my little one looked beautiful with all that satin, lace and crinoline.   The parents looked so proud and I think are still trying to wipe the smiles off their faces.    Nothing like the world looking at your child and thinking she is the most beautiful baby every created!!!!!!

So, now that has passed and we wait for the date.   On Friday I had an MRI.     Those are the kind of tests that we all hope to avoid.   Whoever invented this contraption either had a sick sense of humour or wanted to see what it was like to be buried alive.    I hate enclosed spaces so you can imagine how I felt as they slid me into this large metal tube.   I know  'its open at both ends'....only you are lying down and can't turn your head so you can't see the end .....    The worst part is that they say " now try and just keep you eyes closed while you are in there."   Well, as I have mentioned many times I am a control freak.   When you tell a control freak not to open their eyes, they spend the entire time wanting to open their eyes.    Also, they put earphones on me so I could listen to music while the test was going on.....only the machine is so noisy that you can't hear the music anyways.    Finally, there came a point in the one hour and ten minutes I was encased in the tube that the operator asked me to hold my breath.    So I did.....only there was so much noise I never heard her tell me to 'breathe again" so I almost passed out from lack of oxygen!!!!!    As much as I hated the test I kept reminding myself that having cancer and going through all the b....sh.... that entails this was minor detail.    My mind had no problem with that by somehow it never actually related that to my body.   After a while I felt very warm and suffocating and was very relived when the voice said "are you ok in there"  "only five more minutes'......I wonder what they do if you say NO, or don't answer....might have to try that next time for a laugh:)

So the journey of tests etc has begun in earnest.    Next week I get the results which I already know....I have a tumour that is 7 cm in diameter that needs to be removed.    I will hopefully also get the date of my surgery.    So till then I have parked the bus and am resting up for the next step.....