There is a saying "what a difference a day makes" and right now I know exactly what that means. The last time I wrote I was talking about such benign senseless things...which is good for a time. Now in the past week or so life has been so serious it is hard to believe that that time even existed. Ironies are a part of life, but when they teach such important lessons......
This week has been a week of ironies. I am made to realize that nothing is for certain no matter what we think. I would assume that someone like me would be as far removed from cancer and dying as a person could get. Yet in the past week I have witnessed two deaths from this horrible disease. One, a short and gentle battle of an aged person who felt that he had lived his life and was prepared to say good-bye. The other a young family man who desperately wanted to live at all costs.....one won his battle the other lost.. yet both died!.....how strange that the same thing can have two completely different ends!
It has made me so sad and exhausted....I cried like a baby last night. I don't want to be reminded that the choice may be mine sometime soon. Which one would I choose if the time comes? There are positives on both sides. Having been through this hell twice before, I think maybe I don't want to go through it again....and then I would give anything to be around to watch my daughter enter her adult life and the wonders that she will experience. Life is full of ironies!!!!!
In the end, do we really have the choice? I think in some way life is mapped out and we are just floating along in its breath....but then that means that I have no choice....I don't like to have NO CHOICE....so then I start to think perhaps the choices I have are not whether I live or die.....or when I die.. or even how I die,but rather how I choose to live. What do I want people to remember after I am gone? Yesterday, that was made very clear while listening to the wonderful testimonials. I must live my life in such a way as to hope that I too will be given such wonderful words at my funeral. I think I do, but it has made it clear what my choices are. So as I move on to another week, hopefully much quieter and happier, I will try really hard to live every moment as if the world is looking on and taking notes. I guess that is what it is all about........
Whether you are sick, or not you must be part of the fabric of life. That means being a part of the lives that you are in touch with. I guess I have been blessed to be a part of some amazing lives even if they aren't all happy, fun loving times. It really is the sad, the suffering, the tragedies that bring us closer to the people in our life.....it is times like this that things get real and we come to see each other without all the masks. I feel I have become very close to some special people these past few months and I wouldn't change my part in it for all the world......I wouldn't be so blessed if I did......again another irony!
Oh and one more change.....I aged a whole year! Yahoo I love to get older as the alternative is not so great!
2 comments:
One thing I know for sure is that the best people to know on this earth have been to hell and back. They are the ones that have substance.
Birdie makes a very insightful statement. I truly agree. Those who have the most to be grateful for because of their life experiences are the ones with the greatest humanity.
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