Families and Friends.......

Haven't had much urge to journal lately.  Partly, because spring is in the air and find it much more satisfying to go for a walk or sit on my swing outside.    Also, I am preparing for a trip and that seems to keep my mind and my soul busy......

I had an interesting thing happen the other day that made me sit up and take notice.  It is not really a revelation, but I had to take a minute and think about the question that was posed to me.  It was suggested that I can understand the effects of cancer on a family member.  In some ways I can, b/c my father too had cancer and we struggled through that, but I was not his caregiver.  I was able to visit and be a presence and emotionally try and support him and my mom, but it was for short periods of time and I had the luxury of then going back home for months at a time.

What I realized,is that I really don't know what it is like to be the main support, and caregiver of a seriously ill loved one.  I remember my daughter mentioned that she had a better understanding of my mother than I did during my dad's illness, and I totally agreed with her.  In some ways I think being the family member is a much more difficult part in the journey.   They love you, want you to be happy and comfortable, but in reality have very little control over anything that goes on.   They can't make the decisions necessary to the treatments, they can't schedule anything concerning the treatments, they can't take the pain and depression away, they can simple sit by and hopefully be as much help as possible while feeling hopeless and totally helpless a good part of the time, not to mention frightened, guilty and a whole gamat of other emotions.

The patient mind you is in a whole different world.   First, the drugs work really well at keeping reality at bay.   Often you are in lalala land, sleeping away the time, or in a different dimension all together.   I don't mean it is easy for us, by no means, but we are in control of anything that has any semblance of control.  The doctors deal directly with us, unless of course we are not capable, and we are the final decision makers even though our decisions may have hugh repruccusions on our families.   I think it is harder for loved ones, that is what I think.   They can just love us through it, and in the end, if we survive try and put their lives back on some sort of 'normal' track, and if we don't, try and find a new 'normal' to live with out us.   There are times when I realize that this disease is much much more than just a physical malady....it cuts right into the core of every person involved.....and maybe more into the soul of the family and friends of the sick person than we ever realize.

Let's put all family and friends of  those suffering from this disease in our thoughts today and everyday, they carry a hugh burden and often are forgotten in the chaos......God bless you all....and realize your just being there is more than enough!!!!!....