I have decided that the only positive thing about funerals are the little salmon salad sandwiches that you are guaranteed to get at the luncheon. No one makes those sandwiches as good as the church ladies.....
I have exhausted my reserve, and am looking to take a break from reality. I have decided that I am going to start the bus up again and I am driving. All aboard, but no negative talk....only funny stories, laughter and positive noises (that opens it up to alot of stuff, especially if purple Pam is on board) allowed for the next while. I try really hard to keep myself and those around me up, but right now I feel like my world sucks. Feeling like crap, head pounding, searching for some good news, and then the bottom falls out for my daughter....it never ends. She of course then feels that I am not there for her, but am there for everyone else. Children just don't get it sometimes! I am there for her but it's different when it comes to our own children. Everyone else, we listen to, we hug, we comfort and say things like "it will be o.k." "this too will pass", but when it comes to our own we feel the need to fix everything and make it all better. I can't do that and so when I am tired, I don't always respond well.
Today, I refuse to feel bad. I am having a very selfish day and I am willing to admit that there are times when not only do I not want to be the 'rock' in someones life....but I just am not even going to fake it.
It has been a rough time. Funerals Suck big time......and even more when you keep placing yourself in the casket and replacing the mourners with your own family members. I must say though that there was a moment when I was in awe.....at the beginning of the funeral, a little boy of about 10 came out to the sanctuary with music papers. Placed them on the piano, sat down and began to play for his Dad.....what a tribute....who wouldn't be blown away. To have the strength, and the love to want to play for Dad one more time. Then the oldest son got up and gave the eulogy....what parent couldn't be prouder of his children than one who's offspring take an active and meaningful role in their Father's funeral. The spirit of children is sometimes a brief window into the strengh that eternity offers.....if only we could all be so consumed with pleasing another as to put ourselves at the most difficult time into a place that most would run from.
So, as I end my day, I tip my hat to those boys, and I realize that even in the midst of tragedy, God offers us a glimpse of Hope in the future......................
1 comment:
re funerals. Last summer my friend's father died and I went to the funeral. When the minister started his sermon I started to look for an exit. It was so depressive and a repetitive delivery of ancient rhetoric of not asking why but knowing he was in "a better place".
Then my friend went to the piano and played her father's favourite hymn as an anthem to him. Then two of her six siblings approached the podium and began to tell favourite childhood stories and memories that made the whole congregation laugh. Whether you knew him or not (which I did not - I had only met him once), you instantly felt as if you did as you listened to the family tales. These two children also relayed stories of their father's career experiences (he was a country doctor), making housecalls and being paid in chickens, etc. By the end of the funeral, the son and daughter had made the time in that church a celebration of their father's life, but at the same time making the mourning deeper because we all realized the great loss that had just taken place. But was it a loss? He had given so much to so many with the vibrant memories of his life. The stories will go on forever. I know one of my greatest enjoyments being with this friend is listening to the hilarious tales she tells about growing up.
So, a "celebration of life" is maybe a cliche, but cliches exist for a reason. Sometimes they are words of wisdom and should be followed. No, we don't understand death, especially the young ones or tragic ones...but we should be grateful for the time we had those people in our lives and never let the "memory" of them "die".
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